SquareParents.com - Generation X With Kids

Exactly One Gazillion Pieces

Fri, 29 May 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Why is it that when looking for suitable toys, it's so so difficult to find anything that contains less than exactly one gazillion pieces? When you choose two toys, what you're actually getting is two hundred separate and distinct objects. Oh, it's great to see the excitement of mini-me digging into a new toy, checking everything out, and handing all the pieces, but then what happens exactly 37 minutes later?

Obviously, given the prevalence of such toys, people are currently buying them, have been buying them for some time now (think of Lite-Brite from your childhood), and very likely will be in the future, because... well, that's the nature of children's toys. On the other hand, it's a complete drag having to constantly clean up hundreds of pieces of a given toy, after being played with for only a couple of minutes. And then all of those pieces need to be stored somewhere, and then...

Giant Steps

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Child development is often an uneven process, and happens in fits and spurts. Interestingly, it's been argued, notably by Dr. Harvey Karp, and probably others, that children from birth to about 5 years of age are essentially replicating the evolutionary process, and moving right along at about 4,000 years per hour, give or take a thousand or few years.

From there, they follow the evolutionary road of homo sapiens (of course), through the various stages and branches of the species, from homo habilis to homo erectus, and the rest of the homos such as ergaster, through Neanderthal to the modern Sapiens.

Think about it. Kids go through many different stages of development, all of which have periods of extreme difficulty until a great leap or breakthrough is made. More significantly, like the evolutionary process, these stages are not smooth and uniform, but uneven and unpredictable. Development may appear to be static for a period of time, followed by a sudden lurch...

Expert Advice

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Consult the experts, but don't rely on them. There are "experts" out there for everything. In many ways, this makes sense, with the advent of market segmentation and specialization, and the ease and volume at which information can be distributed.

But who are these "experts" exactly, and when are they most useful? For what topics is expert advice appropriate? It's surprising, if not outright shocking, how easy it is to become an expert in a given field. Even the term expert is highly ambiguous, and really doesn't require any specialized education or skill. Many times, all it takes is the good fortune, or taking the effort of being somehow quoted in a prominent media outlet, and suddenly, one is an expert. In other words, anyone can be an expert. This is not to be confused with a professional, in other words, an attorney or a doctor, but anyone can be professional. It follows...

School Daze

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

What's the best school, and how does a parent get their kid or kids into that best school? This is a topic that can reduce otherwise highly educated people into blathering idiots devoid of all rational thought, except during those lucid moments when they become merely stupid.

Why does the subject of education seem to make people so violently unintelligent?

The question of the best school is on the mind of many a parent, regardless of the kid's age. It could pertain to daycare, kindergarten, elementary school, magnet high school, college, graduate school, and Ph.D. programs. It's a contemporary obsession. As if only the kid gets into the best school, then his or her chances for success will be greatly enhanced.

It's not like a good school is a black box where the kid is inserted, there's a loud wooshing sound, and a few years later, some mini-genius emerges with impeccable manners, first-rate networking skills, silky smooth (never...

New Forms of Entertainment

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

At one time, there were all sorts of home tips that fell under the heading of folk knowledge. Less was often more. Good folk knowledge usually always used (and still does use) the general principle of pulling, rather than pushing. This is the reason why many folk remedies, tips, and tricks had lasted for as long as they did. Retro-fitting hand-me downs, cough and cold remedies, home processing and storage of food, making impromptu toys, knowing when to tell which classic story, any many other everyday ways of doing things out of necessity are no longer in widespread use.

Most have simply been rendered obsolete by technological and product advances, which on the whole have been overwhelmingly beneficial to large numbers of people. And make no mistake, many of these advances are even better than is commonly realized.

Unfortunately, however, what also seems to have been lost is the common sense and simplicity of thought that made much of the...

The Small and the Large

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

The smaller and insignificant the issue, the more ferocious and convoluted the fight.

This is most notoriously true of academia. You don't need to watch very many episodes of NOVA before you see professors at some conference arguing about the nature of the surface of Venus, and whether it formed in one way or another. It won't be long before they're calling each other names like 'poopie head' and insulting each other's alma maters.

It's a curious phenomenon, and directly related to Kissinger's one (sort of) useful observation that the greater the crime, the greater the immunity. This principle works perfectly in reverse.

This isn't an issue specific to parents and their kids, but to parents and other parents. A peek into this is most obvious on many of the blog posts out there, and chronicled here in the piece on improper uses of one's keyboard. (Full disclosure: The Square Parent is guilty of this on occasion.)

A case...

Good Cop Bad Cop

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

The Good Cop/Bad Cop routine is the oldest one in the book, and one of the most effective. It also requires a high degree of collusion between the parents. Collusion is secret agreement, often for neafrious or illegal activity. Think of it as the parents being insider traders, with the kid in the role of the SEC.

Kids will always try to break the parents' collusion, knowingly or not, by exploiting any inconsistencies, looking for gaps to run through, attempting end-arounds, and making up technicalities as needed. In other words, if the kid's doing any of these, his or her job is being done properly.

It's up to the parents to manage and maintain the collusion as tightly as possible.

What this means is seamless agreement on the parameters and limits of behavior, both as stated and unstated policy. Both parts are equally important. This is often referred to as being "on the same page," but it needs to go further than that. It...

Soccer Parents

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Parents, watch your progeny on the pitch, but be careful. You're only really allowed to secretly wish them success on the field of battle. Publicly, of course, it's just about playing the game. But isn't it more fun to actually, you know, win?

Ah, soccer in the spring. There's a lot of different advice out there about young children and sports, and the advice tends either not to give any firm conclusions, or is contradictory. A popular theme wrapped in excess verbiage is that young children shouldn't be encouraged to engage in competitive activities, as they're too young to understand winning and losing, and if pushed to win too early will suffer some kind of damage, or worse, disappointment.

Parents flock to the field with kids in tow, anticipating the cuteness of chaos and pandemonium involved with a bunch of late toddlers kicking a ball around a field, and not quite getting the concept. They...

What A Drag It Is Getting Old

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

... says it all. This wasn't something that was supposed to be part of the deal, it was something abstract and far away and curable by a variety of health and beauty products. At the same time, there's been an inkling of what is coming from all of the ads on TV featuring products with terrible side effects. Bleeding ears are apparently a small price to pay for eliminating a ferret allergy.

OK, so you get older, and so do the kids, and you gradually become a geezer, or worse, your friends do. And soon, you're trying to retain some degree of hipness, which then devolves into an attempt at reasonable stylishness, then avoiding frump and slobishness until eventually you just really don't care any more. And on with the mundane things.

Then there's the direct corollary to this, which is the parents that dress and act like kids. For some...

Keyboards Nefariously Purposed

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Some parents exhibit the very worst behavior, probably don't realize it, and wouldn't particularly care if they did. Interestingly, this is very similar to the way kids often behave, particularly in the early stages of socialization, which explains quite a lot.

Enough examples of both abound on the playgrounds, shopping malls, local supermarkets, or wherever else you find parents and kids. Everyone has known or currently knows some parent living in some kind of Oprah alt-reality world, featuring a heavy dash of modern-day schoolmarm likely to instantly and vocally express disapproval of the seemingly most petty, innocuous things.

Regrettably, this often comes with the pretense of class elevation, and is as old as the hills.

The times and technology change, but the behavior remains universal, which means we're treated to this not only in person, but also electronically. Just vist you local neighborhood general-purpose parenting blog.

What's the point about complaining about the birthday party policy at some children's museum? Isn't it enough...

What Would Dickens Say?

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

The financial apocalypse is upon us, and we had all better prepare for Dickensian Britain, a la Oliver Twist.

"Please sir, may I have some more?"

Greedy little urchin that Oliver Twist was, there was still something almost, sort of, vaguely sympathetic about him.

Fast forward 150 years or so to today's Oliver Twists. It's not some thin gruel that they're demanding, but another three slices of pizza, or more whiz on the fries, or another scoop of ice cream. With sprinkles.

Now, let's superimpose images of the dark infernal mills, coal grime, horseshit in the streets, and small children working their fingers to the bone upon the local shopping mall, the back yard, the soccer field, and the modern kitchen. It's not a pretty sight.

The deprivation of the future is beginning to be evident right now, most obviously in the form of the kid getting half of the Power Rangers...

Not So Fast

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 05:00:00 +0100

If TV is so bad for you, why is there one in every hospital room? If irradiated food is so bad, why is it served in hospitals? Ditto the Golden Arches.

Is TV harmful, as in does it actually cause harm? And what is the nature of the harm?

The harm that TV may cause apparently ranges from anywhere between 0% and 100%, but there was an accurate percentage in there somwhere. That's essentially what the old studies about the effects of television on young children were saying.

That sort of reasoning was also absolutely useless.

Is it the medium itself, or the actual programming on TV that's "bad" or causes negative consequences in children? What if they're fed a steady diet of Baby Einstein - is that a use of the medium that will make them smarter?

There has been a lot of greenhouse gas released into the atmosphere as a result of this debate and endless commentary about the topic. Actually, perhaps there hasn't been...

Great Expectations

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Everyone likes the good kinds of surprises, such as a present or an unexpected visit from a welcome guest..

But then, there are the other kinds of surprises, which are by far the most common, and leave much to be desired. A surprise is an event without warning, one could even say a change in the current condition or routine. But just like the loaded word change, a surprise is usually hoped to mean something positive. In the best case scenario, change is the state of things as they are right now, only with all of the bad stuff removed.

Sometimes, even when the surprise is good, it isn't, especially if it has to do with a disruption of the status quo's current comforts. The kids are no different from the parents, they're not too big on having too much disrupted, even if it may be something good or positive later on.

An example of a...

Earn It

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 05:00:00 +0100

One general imperative of guiding a child toward good behavior is establishing the idea of responsibility at an early age, however rudimentary, even when it may be a little too early for them to understand. Add incentives. Make him or her earn that special something that they want, something that they value. Giving them everything they want accomplishes nothing, or nothing positive anyway.

It could be a favorite snack, going to a preferred destination (not, say, Disney World) or activity, or a seldom seen movie. For example, the little one may have some favorite treat that he or she receives once in awhile for being good. If the kids wants that special something, they're going to need to earn it by doing something for it.

Earn it. No credit schemes, no futures market, no residual commissions for being good last Tuesday. Earn it.

One of the best ways to do this is by assigning specific tasks or chores, however small and whatever...

The Coin of The Realm

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Credibility is the coin of the realm.

Credibility is the quality or power of inspiring belief. In the context of young children, this means that the kid believes you when you say something. Total credibility is unrealistic due to the workings of their little brains, but more credibility is obviously better than less.

Credibility doesn't just apply to threats of punishment, but rather applies to overall kid management.

If what you say has no credibility, don't sit around wondering in anguish why your toddler is so unruly and won't do what you ask no matter what bribes are proffered, and at the worst times.

If what you say has no credibility, knock it off with the forlorn lament that there's constantly crap strewn everywhere around your house that never seems to ever be picked up or put away, no matter how many different home organizing "solutions" you try.

If what you say has no credibility, you have a problem.

Think. Trying to get a toddler to doing what you...

With Friends Like These

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 05:00:00 +0100

It's much easier to pick out and examine someone else's foibles than it is to examine your own. Nowhere is this more true than watching your friends and their kids. Everyone does it to some degree or another, some more and others less. And you wonder how your friends turned out to be parents like that. This is a sentiment that can skew positively or negatively (often both), but it's always there.

Many if not most of your friends have kids too by this point. And as you compare notes, you will also secretly keep notes about where you think they're making errors (however small), and what you think is truly admirable about them. Looking at your friends with their kids should really give some perspective as to the broad and universal nature of the business of raising small humans, but more often it has the opposite effect.

People are different, they keep their houses in different states...

Do It For The Germs

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Kids - at daycare, the playground, in the lair of the rodent, at the pediatric dentist's office, wherever - are Cadillacs for microbes. Germs pimp the ride with the kids and travel in style on the best gravy train ever. The common rhinovirus never met a kid it didn't like.

Daycare is the Tahiti of the common cold virus: a room full of little kids running around, sharing lunch, tackling each other, dropping things on the floor or ground then putting those things into their mouths (ewwww), offering the finest of accommodations to these microbes, a veritable Carnival Cruise of incubation.

(It's a wonder that that these working conditions for the daycare providers aren't covered by some OSHA regulation or another, these are class one biohazards that they must contend with on a daily basis.)

And to be sure, the microbes are extremely valuable.

Just like language, writing, and socialization, kids have the genetic...

Bedtime Stories

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 05:00:00 +0100

Newsflash from the UK: Many UK parents have given up reading Grimm's Fairy Tales because they're either distressing to the kids, not PC enough, or any one of a number of reasons that someone had enough time to ponder and object to. The article cites the parents as determining that the stories don't carry "the right message," and that "caring parents feel that the bedtime stories could emotionally damage kids."

How's this for emotionally damaging to kids: witnessing a parent afraid to read a bedtime story because of the content.

From there, questions abound:

Is it only uncaring parents that read the Grimm's Fairy Tales to their kids?
What exactly is the "right message" that should be delivered by books?
What will become of the children is they don't read bedtime stories that contain "the right message?"
Does "the right message" necessarily involve rainbows and unicorns?
Would "the right messages" then be demeaning in any way to unicorns, which, as everyone knows, are...

Terrible Thirties

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 05:00:00 +0100

There's a lot made of the so-called terrible twos. The so-called terrible twos is actually a misnomer, and has probably stuck because of the nice alliterative device. The truth is, they're much worse at three, and for a variety of reasons. They've begun to lie, have their own ideas about how the world should work according to them, possess a shockingly literal form of reasoning that evolves at light speed on a daily basis, and are able to flawlessly imitate things and behaviors that they see. Add a limitless imagination and nano attention span, and all the ingredients are there for some real difficulties.

Curiously, this isn't a whole lot different from the parents, who also often have their own ideas about how the world should work according to them, possess a shockingly literal form of reasoning, and are able to flawlessly imitate things and behaviors that they see. Add a limited imagination and divided attention span,...

Binge and Purge

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:00:00 +0100

The holiday excitement's over, and it's back to the usual grind, slipping gradually back into regular schedules and doing normal things and back to the same hassles. In the weeks following the holidays, though, there are some added wrinkles, namely all of the new stuff that's accumulated as a result of the holidays. There's just more stuff, and there always is.

Now is the time to take drastic action. Just do it. Purge the old toys, and perhaps even some new ones. This is not easy for a variety of reasons, including concern about over-reactions, nostalgia, and general guilt about taking stuff away, filling a landfill with non-degradable material, general wastefulness, or any one of an number of other reasons.

And many of the reasons may well be very good ones. But now is the time to be ruthless, and zealously so. Go farther than you thought you could go, and then go even farther with...