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At Home

Written by The Square Parent Tuesday, 10 June 2008 00:00

Ah, but now you share your concept of home with a small one. Or perhaps this is the first time of having a concept of home, now that bebe has come along. Or maybe you still have no concept of home, but someday hopefully you will.

Some of us are stay-at-home moms, some of us are stay-at-home dads, and some of us, whether single or attached, work and park bebe in day care. And in the evening we come home, and feed the little one and put him/her to sleep. Then we get up and go through our daily routines all over again. Even if there is no routine per se, there are bound to be patterns to the day. We're all creatures of habit and schedule, and the small ones are no exception.

But now, what do we, as adults and parents get to do? Do we just throw in the towel, figuring that we've done enough over the years, and it's now time to settle into staying at home and watching movies, or going to bed early on the weekends, merely being content to have a day or 2 off from work?

Not.

Yes, back in the day, we did carouse hither and yon, stayed out all night, and exhibited some truly bad judgement. But does that mean that life now ends? The carousing at the pace we used to, perhaps. But then, who really wants to do that again, or continue doing it? Besides, there's plenty of room for socializing and having some grown-up fun.

Take, for example, the dinner party. Doing this properly does depend upon some chance good characteristics of bebe, the most important of which being sleep patterns. But the basic idea is that most people really like dinner parties. Thanksgiving, after all, is the greatest mass dinner party in the universe, so great, in fact, that it's a universally observed holiday in the United States.

All about the dinner party

Strollers

Written by The Square Parent Tuesday, 10 June 2008 00:00

There are many different kinds of strollers out there, and are easy to observe by walking through any populated area. Whereas some strollers are simple and inexpensive, others are relatively complex and outrageously expensive, and still others are just plain outrageously expensive. So which one to use?

Strollers come with all sorts of gadgets, from inflatible wheels to reversible handles, to adjustable wheels for different types of terrain. One would think that the theory behind all of this gear is that it makes the lives of the parents easier. One would like to think that's why people are buying a particular type or brand. Alas, this isn't always the case. Much of this is simply an appeal to the vanity of the parents.

Go with the super-premium stroller?

Are more features better?

Not necessarily.

What exactly does the super premium accomplish? It's "better," and only the best will do for bebe? Gimme a break. What the "only-the-best" approach accomplishes is that it gives the parents an excuse to splurge on themselves, using bebe as a proxy. Hopefully, this channeling will not go on forever.

It's a fairly simple concept: get bebe from one place to another and oftentimes back again. What's really necessary to accomplish this? As it turns out, not very much. In much of the world, people use the sling, which is often simply a longish piece of fabric wrapped and configured in a way that will allow for the efficient transport of bebe on foot.

But the sling is not always completely practical, which is why we have strollers. Strollers also aren't always very practical either, as we shall see.

One all-too-common sight in shopping malls, city streets, and on urban public transportation is what is not-so-euphemistically called the Full-Size Stroller. These are large, unwieldy contraptions with more than enough storage for three day's worth of food, diapers, and toys. They are effectively large Sport Utility Vehicles by other means passed on to bebe, so bebe has his or her very own SUV.

These things are of limited praticality, and hideous for several reasons, but the main one is that they take up entirely too much room, and often get in the way of other people, particularly in urban settings. They're unwieldy, and seem to go against the principle that mobility is at a premium. In short, they suck.

Not everyone has children, and your child is hardly the only one in the world. Of couse, bebe is the most special thing in your life, but it's still your life, ane one would hope that there's plenty of room for other things that are also very special: marriage, friendships, other relationships, hobbies, etc...

The point of this is that there's wider world out there into which we're trying to successfully integrate our children. If from the outset, the attitude is going to be only the biggest and best will do with a completely oblivious attitute towards the rest of the world, the prospects of succesful integration would seem to decline significantly. Civility is a wonderfully useful ethic, and an all-around good thing. Constantly getting in people's way in a manner that is often unnecessary is hardly civil. These people also have places to go and things to do, and getting in their way tends to infringe on this, and doing so in a completely oblivious manner compounds what originally was something that isn't that big of a deal. We're also all too familiar with this in airports, when people haul luggage around that they don't have proper control of, or worse, on public transportation systems.

Lots of Stuff

Written by The Square Parent Tuesday, 10 June 2008 00:00

Walk into any baby emporium, and you'll be facing walls and walls of lots and lots of stuff. Most people like to shop, and pick up stuff, and it's easy to do, just as with our stuff. Lots of stuff for bebe, however, may complicate this unfamilar situation that you find yourself in, if only because now there's lots more stuff to sort through and process. We've become remarkably adept at filtering out junk, but with a little forethought, you'll be able to filter out the junk, and not only simplify your life, but also save some money in the process, even if most of the stuff you're getting will be gifts from other people. There are ways to leverage this so you can get what's really important, and still have fun at the same time.

Baby emporiums can be alternatively entertaining and tedious places. The entertainment comes when you suspend your junk filter and try to imagine who buys a lot of this stuff; it might even be you. All of this stuff breaks down into just a few categories that cover the basic areas of the life of bebe: Eating, sleeping, all bathroom functions, traveling, clothes, and play. For each of these categories, there are thousands of items available to help parents with all of these. And the specific target appeal of much of this is something to behold: appeal to traditional moms, dads into gadgets, the suburban, the urban, the practical among us, the frivolous, the clueless. Oh, there are all sorts of coordinated ad campaigns, tie-ins, partnerships, and every sophisticated and imaginative marketing and advertising scheme out there deisgned to circumvent our junk filters. It is not the intent of this author to guide you through all of this, that's your responsibility as parents.

That said, it's fun to look at all of the gadgets that you never could have thought of in your wildest dreams, and grab one because you can see a use for it, or just out of whimsy or whim. It's strongly suggested not to do this with toys, as your residence will already be so innundated with toys from friends and relatives that storage and management will start to be a real problem. Another possible pitfall is with all of the toys designed to make bebe smarter. Do you really want an extremely clever bebe who turns into a clever toddler who will then turn around and outsmart you? Think about this very carefully before you start playing Frankenstein with Baby Einstein.

A real irony with the vast majority of stuff for bebe is that it's designed, again, for the parents. Bebe will not care at age 6 months about the brightly colored fish illustration on the florescent wastebasket on the floor that he/she cannot see anyway. The design is to remind the parent that it's something for bebe; it seems odd that the parent needs to be reminded that bebe's on the premesis, what with all of the crying, pooping, laundry, food, bottles, toys and all the rest. Perhaps it good to have a reminder once in awhile.

What frequently happens with many new parents is that they first receive a lot of presents at the baby shower or showers. Then there's more once bebe is born, followed by a healthy trickle during the months hence, when everyone comes to See The Baby. For as much stuff there is out there, there are also givers: smart and saavy givers, practical givers, frivolous givers, and clueless givers. Chances are, much of this has come from one or more of the major baby emporiums, and there are duplicates of items. This is when you take advantage of their returns systems, and have the cash value transferred to a return card. Use this system for stuff that you think you will not need. If in doubt, return it.

Card in hand with the cash value on it, proceed to purchase things like Desitin for diaper rash, diapers, wipes, and other items that you will go through quickly, as these will become quite an expense.

You'll see simple toys and complex toys designed to make bebe smarter and provide an edge; a plethora of car seats and strollers at all price points; diaper-related stuff; feeding-related stuff; monitors; clothes, clothes, and more clothes, many with garish designs and colors designed to appeal to every taste, or lack of taste as the case may be.

Eitquette

Written by The Square Parent Tuesday, 10 June 2008 00:00

Etiquette. It seems like a quaint notion from a different time and place that may or may not have existed. Generally speaking, it is a very useful notion. Many other different cultures have their protocols of etiquette, from the complicated Japanese formalities that would confound even the most enlightened of the Buddhist philosophers, to hand signals to be used or not used in South American countries, to the varying degrees and somewhat malleable standards of the United States.

But just because you now have bebe, and your life has changed - yadda yadda yadda - this doesn't mean that by virtue of having bebe along, you have a license to behave badly in public, or worse, obliviously. You are solely responsible for bebe, and one change that your life has taken is that when you're in public, bebe is now an extension of you.

The point of this is that there's wider world out there into which we're trying to successfully integrate our children. If from the outset, the attitude is going to be that the rest of the world no longer matters because you have a new or rapidly growing bebe, which now entitles you to be completely oblivious to your surroundings, and everyone else must accomodate your every whim, the prospects of succesful integration into that world would seem dubious at best.

Civility is a wonderfully useful ethic, and an all-around good thing, especially in urban areas. Encroaching on people in a manner that is often unnecessary is hardly civil. Other people also have places to go and things to do, and getting in their way tends to infringe on this, and doing so in a completely oblivious manner compounds what originally was something that isn't that big of a deal.

Some examples of poor parental behavior:

• Changing bebe's diaper in public, particularly at the table of a restaurant
  This is totally obnoxious, and at the height of uncool. To change bebe's diaper, go to the bathroom. Become adept at using different types of bathrooms in different situations. Particularly if bebe has just dropped a deuce, who wants that in close proximity to where they and other people will be eating? It's also unsightly.
  
• Getting in the way with an SUV-like stroller
  This seems to be part of a larger theme of people having forgotten how to conduct themselves in public, particularly in urban areas. For example, an outing to the downtown of a city or similar venue where some form of public transportation is taken sounds like a great idea. And it can be. Just don't be so oblivious as to not realize that you're blocking some else's way or blocking a door or similar scenario.
  
  Find a better way to transport bebe
  
• Screaming children
  If bebe is an extension of you, then you're responsible for these situations. Everyone will be understanding of a crying baby, but only to an extent. There is a point when the cring has gone on for long enough at a high enough volume, where the parent is now being uncool. If on a flight, drug the child with benadryl; if in a public place such as a restaurant, leave.
  
• Bringing so much crap with you that it takes you forever to do anything
  Like packing up a car to go somewhere else while someone else is waiting for a parking spot in a jammed parking lot. It shouldn't take 10 minutes for you to unload all of the baby stuff from the stroller, put the varios bags of this and that and toys in the car, strap bebe into the car seat, and then wrestle the stroller into the back of the car. There are probabaly people waiting behind that person.

Life at Work

Written by The Square Parent Tuesday, 10 June 2008 00:00

As with everything else, your work life will change. You're no longer quite as free to hit the bars and come home completely polluted on Thursday or Friday night. With a little planning, this can be done, but generally speaking, this behavior slackens a bit, and for a number of reasons.

Additionally, you'll be able to keep a more regular schedule, since there is a definite difference in treatment of single employees and those with kids, particularly those with bebe. Most employers are very accomodating to flexibility in schedules for those with kids than the singles, who will be more often expected to stay late or take on other time-consuming projects. This has been written about at greater length and in greater detail that here, and is surprisingly well-documented. It's not true of all occupations, of course, but most of the time, there are certain advantages.

Unfortunately, these accomodations are sometimes taken advantage of by certain employees, particularly when taken as a license to yammer on endlessly about bebe, how cute bebe is, what bebe did last night or over the weekend, how precious bebe looks in which outfit at what time of day, and so on. Most parents can be expected to make some small talk about bebe, but there is a point where it becomes excessive, and is no longer normal to being annoying, rude, obnoxious, and intolerable, depending upon the degree.

At any of these points, it's uncool.

Behavior in the workplace is public behavior, which is covered in the eitquette section, and many of the principles apply.